The Thing (1982)

Genre: Horror (alien/monster)
Director: John Carpenter
Writer: Bill Lancaster, based on the short story "Who Goes There?" by John W. Campbell, Jr.

Director, writer, and musician John Carpenter has done some very memorable work. He co-wrote and directed the original Halloween (1978); the campy adventure Escape From New York (1981); one of my personal favorites, Big Trouble in Little China (1986); and the paranoid, Orwellian science fiction flick They Live (1988). These are, in my opinion, some of his best works, and this is a small sample of his resume. I can honestly say that Carpenter is one of my favorite directors, although I still haven't seen all of his works.

Perhaps his most beloved film is The Thing, more-or-less a remake of The Thing From Another World (1951), which I have not seen. I say "more-or-less" in that both movies are based on the same short story, and Carpenter's vision for his movie evidently took more from the original source than it did from the first movie. Given that we now live during a time when movie remakes are very popular, I've noticed a number of people get rather touchy when it comes to defining what, specifically, a "remake" is in cinema.

The opening credits are preceded by a shot of a flying saucer falling into Earth's orbit and apparently crash landing somewhere on the planet. After this, the movie opens in Antarctica, near an American research outpost where a group of men are stationed for the winter. A helicopter is seen flying over the horizon, in pursuit of what appears to be an ordinary dog--a husky-wolf mix, to be exact. In its pursuit, the helicopter lands near the American outpost, where the dog finds refuge. Two men, both Norwegian, exit the craft and attempt first to lob a grenade at the dog--an effort that gets one of them and the helicopter blown up. The other man chases the dog into the outpost and fires wildly at it with a rifle. In his efforts, he accidentally shoots one of the Americans, and Garry (Donald Moffat), the highest authority in the outpost, returns fire with a pistol, killing the frantic Norwegian with one shot. Now the men at the outpost are left wondering what happened.

Two of the men, including the main character MacReady (the bushy-bearded Kurt Russell), travel by helicopter to the Norwegian outpost to check things out. They find that the outpost has been virtually destroyed, with many signs of a battle within. Among the debris and carnage is a burned corpse of what looks like a bizarre and twisted human being; they bring the corpse back to their own outpost for study.

As it turns out, the corpse and the dog are both incarnations of a strange alien life form that was discovered in the ice by the Norwegians. This life form--the Thing--is a shape shifter, capable of infecting and taking over other lifeforms. Once it takes over another being, it mimics it "perfectly." Throughout the film, there are many, many unanswerable questions regarding whom it has dominated and when. This leads into the central plot: a group of intelligent, educated men trying to survive against an enemy that can be any single one of them at any time. As Dr. Blair (Wilfred Brimley) later discovers, the Thing is capable of assimilating all life on the planet within a fairly short matter of time. This movie isn't just about these men's fight to survive, it's about their fight to prevent the end of all indiginous life on Earth.

One of the elements of the best horror movies out there is not the monster, alien or supernatural being that the protagonists are pitted against. It is the human element--the exploration of how people behave under bizarre and even impossible circumstances in their struggle to survive. In this movie, the dominant theme is that of paranoia. Once the men realize what it is they are up against, they become uncooperative, hysterical, even homicidal. It is the drama created by these behaviors that makes this movie one of Carpenter's strongest works, considered a masterpiece by many fans of the genre. Unlike many of the horror movies of the time, this movie stood out in that it did not feature a bunch of stupid teenagers too drunk and horny to notice a masked killer picking them off one by one until it is too late.

The special effects are also very well done, even by contemporary standards--the specific designs for the Thing itself had to have been some of the most disturbing and eldritch cinematic creations of their time. Like From Beyond (1986), from an earlier entry, The Thing features some very interesting latex prosthetics and plenty of slimy, icky stuff to keep the gore fans happy. I do appreciate a good campy movie as much as anyone, but any such campiness in this film is the result of being almost thirty years old, not goofy writing. Carpenter plays up the suspense almost perfectly, so the special effects serve as a welcome enhancement to the plot--the story does not rely entirely upon them.

Like many other well done horror movies, The Thing also leaves a number of questions completely unanswered. We never do discover all of the "rules" for battling the creature, we never discover exactly where it came from or what it was doing on the space ship during the prologue, and we never know who has been conquered by the Thing and who is still human at any point in time. It is a necessity of the genre that certain questions are left open to interpretation--one of our most basic fears as human beings is the fear of the unknown, and this movie takes full advantage of that.

While I do strongly recommend The Thing for all fans of the horror genre, I should point out that this is very much a guy's movie. The entire cast (and, actually, the crew) is made up of men. Plus, it stars Kurt Russell and Keith David, what more can a man ask for, huh?

UHF (1989)

Genre: Comedy (spoof)

Writers: Jay Levey and "Weird Al" Yankovic

Director: Jay Levey

The choice to do my next entry on the movie UHF was, specifically, because I already had a number of screencaps on my drive from it and I was considering adding pictures to this blog. I have no idea how this is going to translate when it does its magic movement to my facebook notes. So this may be the dawning of a new age for whatever it is I'm doing here. Either that, or this will be the entry that I'll eventually rewrite in its entirety.

I do recall, with great fondness, when this movie was released. I also recall that the only element of this movie available in the little town I grew up in was the soundtrack album, as the film itself was never released to our tiny rinky-dink movie theatre. I had to wait for it to get released on VHS. This was tricky on a lot of levels, because in 1989, "Weird Al" Yankovic was probably the only musician I really cared about. This was, of course, before grunge and alternative music had become mainstream enough for those of us growing up in tiny South Dakota towns to have ever heard of it. Even though UHF did very poorly in the box office, it never failed to disappoint me. But then, I understood Yankovic's sense of style fairly well. Mainstream America, in spite of its general acceptance of Yankovic as a comedy musician, was not ready to embrace him as an actor. Come to think of it, mainstream America never really figured out if he was supposed to be a comedian or a musician. "Weird Al" Yankovic has always been an oddity in the entertainment industry. He is our world's Aristophanes.

While this isn't the first cinematic effort of "Weird Al" Yankovic--there was a direct-to-video release a few years prior called The Compleat Al (1985) that made its way through a run on Showtime or Cinemax, maybe both--it is the only major movie release with Yankovic's name attached, not including brief cameos here and there. For example, some might remember Yankovic's appearance in the Zucker brothers spoof The Naked Gun (1988). There is probably a good reason for that; starting with the fact that, while Yankovic may be an excellent performer, he is not much of an actor.

The director and co-writer of UHF is Jay Levey, and to my knowledge, this is the only feature-length film he ever directed. Levey is actually Yankovic's manager, and has been since the early 1980's; he also plays Gandhi in the trailer for Gandhi II. This is all I know about him.

The movie itself is a comedy, something I would personally call a spoof. To me, the word spoof brings to mind many works of the Zucker brothers, such as Airplane! (1980), Top Secret! (1984), and the aforementioned The Naked Gun. I took the time to look up the word, and I found that it is sometimes considered a synonym of the word parody. Since this is a movie starring "Weird Al" Yankovic, perhaps the most well-known parody artist of the modern music industry, calling it a spoof seems appropriate. Part of me wants to talk about the more recent concept of the movie spoof, but it would mostly be a rant on how incredibly bad it has gotten. For the younger people reading this, there is no requirement that states that all spoofs must have the word "movie" in the title.

UHF opens with a parody (of course) of Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), with Al himself playing the hero. This eventually fades into a fast food burger joint, where George Newman ("Weird Al" Yankovic) and his friend Bob (David Bowe) work. They are almost immediately fired by the manager, a very mean-looking woman known as Big Edna (Nancy Johnson, although we only see her once). It is quickly revealed that George cannot focus on anything because he's always daydreaming, which leads to him getting fired quite frequently. He also has a girlfriend, Teri (played by SNL alumnus Victoria Jackson), and she often gets mad at him because he always forgets their dates. In short, George Newman has a severe case of Attention Deficit Disorder that was never diagnosed. I'm not sure what Bob's excuse is--he's supposed to be the responsible one of the pair, but for some unseen reason, he gets fired right along with George every single time.

Before George and Bob can begin their job hunt, George's uncle, Harvey Bilchik (Stanley Brock) wins a television station during a poker game and his wife Esther (Sue Ane Langdon) talks him in to letting George manage it. The television station is a UHF station (get it?) that broadcasts locally on Channel 62. While things go badly in the beginning, eventually the station becomes outrageously popular, thanks to the help of the mildly brain damaged janitor, Stanley Spadowski (Michael Richards), who is an apparent savant when it comes to hosting a children's television program.

Meanwhile, the local network affiliate, Channel 8, is the local competition. It's run by an over-the-top corporate villain, R. J. Fletcher (Kevin McCarthy), who even has his own Italian mafia-like gang of thugs. Among his personal bootlicks is his own son, Richard (John Paragon), who reminds me of Patrick Bateman from American Psycho (2000) for some reason. Perhaps he's Bateman's older, tackier and less successful half-brother or something.

What makes this movie fun to watch is the constant bombardment of movie parodies and oddball television programs being played on Channel 62. Some of the most memorable include "Secrets of the Universe," in which the station's resident mad scientist will show the viewers how to make plutonium from common household items, and "Raul's Wild Kingdom," where Raul unsuccessfully teaches poodles how to fly. One of my personal favorites, "Wheel of Fish," almost demands a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KezvwARhBIc

Is this brilliant filmmaking? Not even close. If you've ever seen one of Yankovic's music videos, though, you should have a pretty good idea of what this movie has to offer.

From Beyond (1986)

Genre: Horror (monster/mad scientist)
Writer: Brian Yuzna, based on a short story by H.P. Lovecraft
Director: Stuart Gordon

As a majority of the movies in my home collection are horror flicks, I figured it was about time I discussed one. I selected From Beyond, one of two 80's horror movies to star both Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton. Combs and Crampton had just worked opposite each other in another Stuart Gordon movie the year prior, one of my personal favorites, Re-Animator (1985). From Beyond also co-stars veteran horror actor Ken Foree, whom many may remember from the original Dawn of the Dead (1978). Fans of Barbara Crampton, if any exist amongst my two-or-three person readership, should especially love this movie, as it is easily the sexiest that Ms. Crampton has ever been seen on screen. She also gets a sex scene with a big slimy rubber monster thing that is easily as weird, though not quite as explicit, as the near-cunnilingus from a severed zombie head scene in Re-Animator. So I don't sound like I'm forgetting any possible female readership, I'll also mention this movie features a shot or two of Ken Foree and his package running down the stairs in a speedo.

From Beyond is loosely based on a short story written by H.P. Lovecraft. "Loosely," of course, means exactly that: I read the short story once upon a time, and if I recall, it was only three pages long. Any resemblance to the original source ends by the time the opening credits take place. After that, it's pure 80's horror insanity. A large part of this movie's budget went into lighting gels, latex, and some sort of jelly slime stuff, plus a crazy little machine with lots of outlets and tuning forks.

Here's the setup: Dr. Edward Pretorius (Ted Sorel) is a brilliant but mad scientist who is creating a machine they refer to as "the resonator." According to the movie (and the original source), there are weird creatures that float around us in the air, all of the time, but we can't contact them or detect them because they exist in another dimension. The resonator makes it possible for these things to see and touch us, and vice-verse. It also causes the human pineal gland to grow--the pineal gland being a small organ in the base of the brain (I think) that often functions as a "third eye" or some other evolutionary device in science fiction stories and pop psychology. Since no mad scientist is complete without a young assistant, he has Crawford Tillingast (Jeffrey Combs) to do some of the late-night work while Dr. Pretorius is playing is bondage games in the other room--with prostitutes, I assume.

Crawford Tillingast successfully gets the resonator working in the opening scene, which causes some glowing eel-like things to appear hovering in the air. They attack Crawford, causing him to shut down the machine and spend the rest of the movie with a bite on his cheek. When Crawford informs Dr. Pretorius, the good doctor turns the machine on and gets attacked by some sort of extra dimensional god thing, that twists off his head and swallows it whole. Crawford attacks the machine with an axe, then flees the house and gets himself arrested.

Naturally, Crawford is completely honest with the police regarding what happened to Dr. Pretorius, so they ship him to a mental hospital and lock him up in a padded room. This brings into the story Dr. Katherine McMichaels (Barbara Crampton), a psychological researcher fresh out of grad school and familiar with Dr. Pretorius' work. She is allowed to meet with Crawford, which leads to a great example of Jeffrey Combs' intense overacting in this flick: he says, in a restrained panic, "It ate him...BIT his head off..." --dramatic pause to get closer to the camera-- "...like a gingerbread man!"

The person in charge of Crawford's care, an older woman named Dr. Bloch (Carolyn Purdy-Gordon, the director's wife and another actor from Re-Animator), thinks it best that he be locked away as insane. Katherine, on the other hand, is young and curious, and thinks Crawford may be telling the truth about the resonator, after a CAT scan reveals that Crawford's pineal gland appears to be growing. She convinces the police to let Crawford repeat the experiment under her care, and the two return to the house where it all happened, along with Bubba Brownlee (Ken Foree), a cop assigned to watch over them.

That, of course, is just a brief description of the first act. From here, the movie gets even stranger. After the trio is able to reactivate the resonator, Dr. Pretorius appears out of nowhere--which does, at least, prove that Crawford didn't kill him. The good doctor tells them that he has merged with the being they keep calling "It." He then tells them that he wants to merge with the rest of them, too. There is something oddly perverted about this whole setup and Pretorius' obsession with merging with everyone.

They manage to shut off the machine before he can do too much damage, but as the story progresses, Dr. Pretorius/It gets better at forcing the machine to operate itself. By the end of the second act, everything has gone haywire, Katherine is wearing a skimpy leather outfit, Crawford has a snake-like appendage sticking out of his now-protruding forehead, and Bubba is dead. Oh, uh, *spoilers.* (Actually, the best part isn't the fact that Bubba dies, but the specific way in which he does--it's just as strange and inconsistent as the rest of this flick.)

After this, there's a lot of scenes featuring the bald Crawford Tillingast covered in blood and sucking peoples' brains out through their eye sockets. There's one particularly great scene with Crawford munching away at a human brain that he found at the hospital (they leave them laying around), his only comment when caught being "Mmm...good." This eventually leads to a latex-and-slime covered climax and the obligatory gigantic explosion. I don't think that should spoil anything for anyone, as most movies of this type end with a gigantic explosion.

For fans of 80's horror movies, From Beyond is definitely worth watching. It has plenty of crazy latex creature effects and odd puppetry, lots of slime and blood (and some brains), and some damned insane dialogue delivered with absolute severity. The special effects are cheesy--it was the 80's, after all--but entertaining. And, if you don't know who Jeffrey Combs, Barbara Crampton and Ken Foree are, this would be a good introduction--right after Re-Animator, of course.